Last time when it rained I was standing

watching the Mediterranean Sea change its colour

I distinctly remember how quickly it happened

From deep azure it went to light turquoise

There were none on Promenade des Anglais

Soaked in tender drops

The blue chairs were empty

They looked lonely

Drenched with memories of pouring rain

I went and had coffee

Looking at strange faces.

As I sit here now

Facing the window

Raindrops caressed by wind kiss my cheeks

Fallen leaves are swept away

Smell of the earth rises from the ground

Bringing back what I thought was a dead sin

And now my heart lingers

through an unknown desolate street

Searching for something lost

Not knowing what it is

Mediterranean on 10/12/2021

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In love with this solitude

The shadow cast on the wall

The book that’s lying on my bed

Vervain infused warm water

The white translucent curtain

Creases on the blanket

Vacant pillow

Indistinct chatter from outside

Memories spread on the wall

The quiet moving of life

My soul almost tangible

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In this silence

I hear voices from the sea

The time when I sinked my head

Into the crashing waves

Trying not to get hit back to the shore

Finding balance to stay swinging and caressing each wave

The voice of the sea calling out my name

Repeating the same phrase over and over

I stay under water until I can’t breathe

The suffocation, the urge to take in air, to live

Enough of this

I emerge from beneath like a newly baptised child

The sailing boat like a tiny dot in the distance

Against the aquamarine blue waiting for me to swim towards it

Waiting to take me home

If peace was a picture. Taken on 1/10/2021

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Does this loneliness have a name?

The smell on my bedsheets

Clothes look exactly like how I left them

Untouched…

Empty wastebasket

I open my cupboard and memories rise from their deathbed

The sky from here now has the face of melancholy

What do I do now

How do I fight these ghosts with a weary heart

I’m tired

My body aches

Let me sleep…

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do you have days

when everything feels like a grey cloud

days when you can’t get out of your room

never open the blinds

one little peek outside

the bright light pierce your eyes

the clouds too white to stare at them for comfort

blissful evening turning into a dark night

when time becomes irrevocable

when people leave

or worse when they forget

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